I was a 25 year old Staff Sergeant, an old man compared to the group I was baby sitting, mostly high schoolers that had just joined the Air Force, ages 17-20. We were all in our last week of Computer Operation training. I'd been away from home for four months, but some of those kids had been away from home for nearly a year due to basic military training and tech school.
When got to Burbon Street, the 19 year old blonde's double DD's were flashed at me. I laughed. Titties like that were the very reason Cross-training Sergeants weren't supposed to hang out with new troops fresh out of basic. Stangely, I didn't have any desire to pursue (I thought about it). She was fair game, but too young in the mind for me, a woman's body with 14 year old mind. The best I could do was make sure no one took advantage of her (at least no more than she would agree to with 14 year old judgement).
Besides the tities, the alcohol and vomit smell was the first thing I noticed about Bourbon Street. When I saw the 6'6 turquoise transvestite with buttox exposed walk passed, I knew that all bets were off.
"Soddom & Gommorah," I thought. "This place is going to get nuked." Old elitist enthnocentric views on morals cropped up even after I'd long since abandond them. I felt sinfully blissful grinning at the beautiful debauchery and hedonistic, materialistic idol worship frolicing naked all around. "Now I know why Lot's wife turned into a pillar of salt," I thought as I smoked a cigar in the Co-ed sex show. It is an orgy for all the senses at once. Bourbon street was a culture shock for me and I'd lived to Korea, Guam, and Montana.
That night, six years ago now, would be one of my last night of wild, wreckless nights of "I will never die" youth. The highlight of the night was a girl named Charity who I'd been having recurring dreaming about for a week straight. At the time, I didn't know why I was having the dreams. Sure she was the prettiest girl in class but I had an angry pregnant wife at home, I was not trying to mess around. Maybe the dreams were due to Charity stalking me, following me around, eyeing me from across the class and constantly seeking to make conversation with me. I'm not the brightest when it comes to women flirting it has to be the equivalent of a slap in the face for me to notice. So I guess my subconscious was using the dreams to masturbate and fantasize without me.
And now here she was hanging around my neck like a cheap necklace almost to drunk to stand.
To make a long story even longer I would like to quote the words of a great leader:
"I did not have sexual relations with that woman."
I hadn't had "sexual relations" for almost 5 or 6 months (not easy for me) so I'd wanted it worse than Bush wanted to find Weapons of Mass Destruction. That is my story and I'm stickin' to it.
Taste of New New Orleans
larry king
December 2006 
elamb
Access: Public
